Hi Diary, I'm Renesmee
by PlasticBrains
Summary: Renesmee is growing up. As much as her parents mostly Dad don't want to except it, its happening. She confides all her thoughts in a diary.
1. the epitome of immaturity

_Authors notes. Thanks to my lovely BETA _**Flyaway Dove**_ for her invaluable work in making this story readable!_

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**_Disclaimer: I do NOT own Twilight. No profit is made from this story. _**

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**Chapter one: the epitome of immaturity **

_Hi Diary!_

_ It's not like I am a weirdo or anything, just… a vampire hybrid. Ok, ok, you're scoffing right now. Vampire hybrid – yeah frigging right you say. Well it's true. And you better deal with it._

_ You were probably scoffing at the idea of a vampire. Well here's a news flash for you: we're real, we exist, and we live all around you. That freaks you out? I thought so…_

_ Well Diary, get used to it because you're going to be hearing all about my life from now on – my plain old boring (snort) life in Forks Washington, and plain old me, Renesmee Carlie Cullen, the vampire hybrid/Imprintee. Yes that's right: I have a werewolf boyfriend that is a tad obsessed with me. But it's a good thing_

'What you writing, Ness?' Uncle Emmett snatched the leather bound book from my hands and read the paragraph in a couple of milliseconds.

'Give it back Uncle Em,' I demanded.

'Jeez kid, you're starting to sound like Edward with this. Plain old me, ha, you are not plain by far. You're freaky,' said Emmett. 'And don't let your Dad catch you writing stuff about Snoopy in here either, especially '_a tad obsessed with me. But that's a good thing!' _He'll be a _tad obsessed _with having a heart to heart chat with his daughter about… _things.' _

I visibly cringed, remembering last year's sit down that Dad had planned and I had mysteriously not turned up to. He never mentioned it again but I'm sure one trigger such as _obsessive boyfriends _could make him say something. Jacob and I had never had sex, but it was only a matter of time. I would be fully-grown in a few months and Jacobs words were, '_We'll wait until you're full grown. It'll be a safeguard.' _

I had to admit, it was smart. We knew of the existence of other female hybrids but we didn't know about anything to do with my, erm… reproduction capability. I am hoping I can have kids after being fully grown but it's highly unlikely. Mom is torn. She wants me to be able to have children but that also means me having a baby when I'm physically, like, sixteen years old.

I can't even begin to know where to start when it comes to Dad's opinions on this. Put it this way – Dad is _extremely _opinionated when it comes to me. If there were an award for overprotective Dad of the Year, he'd win it. I mean, he nearly tore Jake limb from limb when he busted us kissing in the forest.

'So, shall I show this to Dad or shall you do me a favor?' Uncle Emmett infuriated me – and Mom – quite often. It was a Swan trait to be easily infuriated by Emmett. And it was an Emmett/Alice/Rosalie and sometimes Edward trait to be easily infuriated by Mom.

'What favor?'

'Trash Jasper and Alice's room, they just got it refurbished.'

'Is there a particular motive behind this attack?' I questioned, already appalled. I loved Aunt Alice's and Uncle Jasper's new room.

'Jasper won't give me a re-match. He says I'm being a sore loser!'

'Why can't you do your own dirty work?'

Uncle Em waved the diary in front of me.

'Cause Daddy will be reading something rather interesting if you don't, that's why.'

I scowled and pointed one finger at Uncle Emmett as I stood up. 'I hate you.'

'I love you too!' he replied.

'As much as I love you Uncle Emmett, for someone as old as you, you are the epitome of immaturity.'

'Whats with the B-I-G words Nessie, you're sounding like dear Dad.'

'Shut up,' I said before I left the room.

It was a tedious but necessary thing (according to Dad), that I get measured everyday. It had happened every single day since the day I'd been born. I had grown from a newborn to a two month old in three days.

I remember Mom telling me how they thought I wasn't going to slow in my growth and that I would be an old woman by fifteen. Jeez just the thought now depresses me.

But all was well; my growth had slowed and I had not grown at all in the last month. Today was the day that Grandpa would finally decide if I'd stopped growing or not.

So here I was, anxiously awaiting his verdict whilst chewing my fingernails, a habit that Mum and Dad have been trying to discourage in me from a young age (waste of effort, I tell you).

Grandpa walked in with a grave look on his face.

'Well?' I asked, barely speaking above a whisper.

'Renesmee dear, I've come to a conclusion.'


	2. Paper

**Disclaimer: I do NOT own Twilight. No profit is made from this story.**

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**Thanks to my lovely BETA **Flyaway Dove **for her work! xx**

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****Chapter Two: Paper**

_Hi makeshift diary (scrap of paper)_

_Since Dear Uncle Emmett snatched my diary and is now using the dark art of blackmail to get me to do his dirty work, I must use you as a substitute diary until I manage to retrieve my old one again._

_Jacob came around today and he could tell something was on my mind. He bugged me for three hours straight before I broke Grandma Esme's antique apothecary table in frustration. I feel SO guilty and I don't want to think of the look on Grandma's face when she discovers the wreckage. She's out hunting (and doing gods knows what else) with Grandpa Carlisle at the moment. So, not only does my doom lie in the hands of Uncle Emmett, I just landed myself in a boiling hot tub of trouble with Grandma._

_Also, Grandpa announced that I have officially stopped growing. Yes that's right. I have stopped growing. I am fully matured, a debatable subject amongst the family…_

_So that is why I am sitting, huddled in the crook underneath the stairs in the cottage, with Jacob unsuccessfully trying to coax me out. _

_HE CAN TRY BUT HE WILL NOT SUCCEED._

I just realized that I just randomly found a piece of paper and a pen underneath a staircase.

There was more paper under here… In fact there were several folders of paper…

I grabbed a folder out and randomly extracted a piece of paper. It had neat, elegant, slanted script on it that I recognized at my Father's.

I began to read.

_Dear Bella,_

_ My life, my love, I love you truly until the ends of the earth. I've told you a thousand times but alas I must repeat this vitally true statement, lest you ever forget. I will never let you forget. _

_My lamb, when I hold you and make love to you-_

GO AWAY BAD MENTAL IMAGES!

Urgh, parent sex. I shuddered at the thought and tried to banish it from my head.

Renesmee Carlie Cullen you are so damn lucky Dad isn't here to read your mind. I remembered the horrific time I'd walked in on Mum and Dad going for it: not a nice sight for my, _oh so delicate_ eyes. And man they were feral. Wonder what it will be like with Jake and I? I smiled, a better thought at least than Mum and Dad… GAH STOP IT! Jacob. Jacob. Jacob. Speaking of which… I zoned back in on his pleading voice.

'Nessie, open the door or I'll break it down myself."

I let out a humorless _ha_ before replying. "Like to see Dad's face at the destroyed door."

"I can handle your father."

I opened the door at that. "Really-"

Jacob cut off my sentence by pulling me into a bone-crushing hug. Not that my bones would crush as easily as your average human's, but I imagine this hug could be described as bone crushing.

"Whats wrong, honey?" He asked.

"Just a little philosophical today, in my thinking corner, you know."

"Please tell me the truth. You've been off all day."

"I've stopped growing, Jacob." I said.

"Wait, is Carlisle sure?"

"Uh huh. He said it a few days ago but he wanted to keep taking measurements just to be sure."

"How are you feeling?" Jacob asked as he placed his head in my hair. He inhaled and exhaled slowly. I knew he loved to do that: It relaxed him. Its weird, I know, but so what?

"Relieved, somewhat. Scared, confused, bewildered-"

"Isn't confused and bewildered the same emotion?"

"No and shut up."

"Yes mam!" Jacob said, giving me an army salute.

I laughed. God I can't stay stressed or unhappy at anything when Jacob's around. Jacob brightens up my world. Jacob _is _my world.

"So this means we can try…" I said seductively (well I tried, not sure if seductive is my thing) as I wrapped a leg around his waist.

He groaned and I smiled to myself, delighted that I could extract that reaction from him.

"Are you sure you want to, Renesmee?"

"Yes."

"Well I would but Bella called me ten minutes ago. She said they were heading home soon."

"Well let's scoot someplace else…"

"Where to, honey?"

"You decide…"

"I know just the place," he replied with a mischievous grin.


	3. AN EXRENESMEE

**A million Porsche's to my lovely BETA **_Flyaway dove _**who picks out all the words i missed in my rush to get you guys something new to read!**

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**Disclaimer: I do NOT own Twilight. I do NOT own Monty Python. No profit is made from this story.**

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_Dear MD (makeshift diary)  
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_Well, it happened. YES IT HAPPENED!!!!!!!! And right now Jake is ringing Dad to see if it's all right for me to bunk at his house tonight. I know that Dad will immediately ask to talk to me. I'll have to reassure him that nothing will happen. Billy, as old as he is getting now, will still be there and I'm sure he won't let anything happen…_

'Let me talk to Renesmee.' I heard Dad's voice emit from the phone on the other side of the house.

My hearing has improved immensely ever since I stopped growing. I can hear everything and it's quite strange and unsettling when you can hear an ant moving outside. I feel like I'm going to have a constant headache with all this noise.

I hear Jake sigh as he trudges along the hall to me. He deftly hands me the phone with a roll of the eyes that he had down to an exact art.

'Hey Dad.' I had to try and make my voice sound calm, because ever since me and Jake finally had sex, I'd been on top of the world. I'd been bouncing around everywhere. Under any other circumstance it would have freaked Jake out, but not now; at the moment, he was just as ecstatic as I was.

"Renesmee Carlie Cullen, I don't want you staying there tonight, I need you to come home and talk…'

Uh oh.

I knew that voice. He knew, he frigging knew! But how…?  
Dammit Aunt Alice! Last time I let you borrow my hair straightener! Not that she actually needed it; her hair was naturally straight and perfect, which made me wonder what exactly she did with it.

'Dad, I'm staying with Jake tonight.'

'No you're fucking aren't.'

Oh my god, Dad just swore… Dad just swore! The Edward Cullen just swore!

Note to self, test Dad's boundaries to see just what swear words Daddy knows…

'Yes I am!'

'You aren't and if you argue with me once more I will get your mother on the phone!'

'Ooh big threat!'

'I'll get her to come and pick you up and have a little chat with Jake. Just remind him that Bella can't break her hand now.'

Jake heard what Dad said and I saw him gulp. Jake was actually nervous.

Wow I certainly have a way with people.

I knew the tone well enough to also know I wasn't going to win any arguments. If I tried any further he'd put Mom on the phone.

'Alright Dad, I'll be home soon.' I hung up the phone before he could say one more word that might reveal what waited for me at home.

I was scared. I was very scared.

'Jakey, I gotta go home, Dad sounded like he was gonna have a hernia.' Not that that's actually possible…

'It isn't possible for vampires to have hernias, is it??'

Jeez sometimes I think Jake and I might just have some mystic connection.

That was sarcasm if you couldn't tell.

'It was a figure of speech, you peanut.'

Jakey grinned his big wolfish grin and once again I melted. And subsequently my façade of calmness broke away.

'OH MY GOD I'M DEAD!' I screeched.

'She's passed on! This hybrid is no more! She has ceased to be! She's expired and gone to meet her maker! She's a stiff! Bereft of life, she rests in peace! If you hadn't nailed her to the perch she'd be pushing up the daisies! Her metabolic processes are now history! She's off the twig! She's kicked the bucket! She's shuffled off her mortal coil, run down the curtain and joined the bleedin' choir invisible! THIS IS AN EX-RENESMEE!'

I stared at Jake, not quite sure how to respond to him and his Monty Python attempt. More so, I was a little scared at his sudden outburst. I mean seriously, this was Jacob Black we're talking about. Jacob Black does not just quote Monty Python sketches. Maybe he was sick?

'I can't believe you just quoted a Monty Python sketch,' said I. 'Where did you learn that!'

'Studied it in school…' He trailed off at the glare on my face. 'What, its not like I stuffed it up, Monty Python isn't turning in his grave.'

'Oh my God you're an idiot!' I cracked up laughing and literally fell onto the ground.

Jake frowned. A concerned look (for my sanity) was on his face as he witnessed my hysterics.

'Monty Python isn't a man; Monty Python is a group of men! And they're not all dead!' I shouted between hysterical fits of giggles. Jeez this was too good, too good! He could be so cute sometimes… All the time… God I loved him.

'Jakey, I love you, everything about you, even you Monty Python fetish.'

'I do not have a Monty Python fetish! It was a part of the curriculum!'

'Keep telling yourself that, keep telling yourself that.' I tried not crack a smile and failed miserably.

'Hey Nessie, maybe you could tell your Dad, when you see him, about my Monty Python fetish.'

My smile vanished and I ground my teeth together. No need to remind me that I was about to die.

Jake pulled the truck up outside the main house. He turned to me and I gulped in several lungfuls of air. I was practically sweating, not that I could. That was one human trait that had skipped me, thank god.

Jake hated seeing me nervous, or under any kind of stress for that matter. So Jake did the only thing that he thought would work.

He kissed me.

It worked too well; I clutched myself to him and kissed him back rather too enthusiastically…

The front door opened and quietly, I heard it but didn't quite acknowledge what it would mean.

'Renesmee, get out of the car now,' Dad hissed, right outside our window.

Oh Crapola.

I'm an Ex-Renesmee for sure.


	4. Playing Cards

**Disclaimer: I do NOT own Twilight. No profit is made from this story.**

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**Chapter Four: Playing Cards**

_Dear MD_

_Ever heard of the phrase 'dug myself into a hole'? _

_I think the phrase applies to me, entirely at the moment._

_So yeah Dad tried to talk to me, it was horrible, in fact I think the use of the word 'talk' makes it sound too light. A more appropriate phrase might be 'tore shreds out of me'._

_It got awkward but Mum, Aunty Alice and Aunty Rosalie stepped in and talked to me, so now it's alright now but I still got myself in a hole. Dad insists that I 'talk' to him more in-depth. And this time there is no way I'm getting out of it because he's not telling me when it's going to happen._

_So now I live in fear of Dad announcing, now is the time to 'talk.'_

_The memory of Mum, Aunty Alice and Aunty Rose's 'talk' is forever imprinted (haha) in my mind, because it brought up a rather delicate subject. _

_Which is why Grandpa is home early from his hunting trip._

_And there's a needle in my arm._

I stopped writing with my good, non-punctured with a needle, arm and relived the memory in full detail.

'Renesmee, get out of the car, _now_.'

I gulped and got out of the car.

'Get inside,'

'Dad you don't have to be a prick about it.'

He swiveled on his feet and glared at me.

'Renesmee, do you know how serious this is? You're seven years old!'

'It's just a number Dad, I'm physically and mentally seventeen.'

'You don't know all the consequences of such a thing; you can't have thought this through!'

'Oh and you totally knew _all _the consequences and thought _everything _through before you did it with mum.'

He flinched. I'd hit home. I should feel guilty about pulling the 'pregnancy nearly killing mum' card, but right now I was so infuriated that I didn't care.

'Number one, we were married. Number two, we didn't know it was even possible. Number three, we don't even know anything about how this will affect you!'

'Well if it will _affect _me, then you'll find out soon enough!'

Dad's eyes widened and he frowned in horror.

'Did you use protection?'

'Oh Dad, don't get into this!'

Jacob chose this moment to step out of the car.

'I recall Bella making it quite clear that her and yours sex life was completely none of my business. And that stands for me and Renesmee as well.'

Edward snarled at Jacob.

'She's our daughter, mutt! You were just Bella's friend!'

'Oh yeah I was _just a friend_. Wow, great description of my support for her when _you left.'_

Oh no he didn't, Jake didn't.

_He just played the 'you left her' card!_

Ouch, that was low.

Dad's eyes darkened and he flinched.

_Dad, please don't be angry, I love him, like Mum loves you, and you know that, _I thought.

Dad's eyes flickered towards me and he knew I was right. He was going to apologise now, I could tell from his expression.

'I'm sorry Jacob, for being so thoughtless with my words, what you did for Bella will never be forgotten.'

'Thanks, but remember I didn't do it for you.'

'Nevertheless I am eternally grateful.' Dad replied.

I heard the sound of my mother approaching.

'Déjà vu much,' she said.

I looked at her confused but she shrugged it off.

Jake kissed me goodbye before departing. Which left me alone to face the hoard.

'Nessie, come with me hon,' Aunty Alice said as she gestured towards the house. Aunty Alice and Aunty Rosalie were standing on the porch. Aunty Alice had a huge mischievous grin on her face and Aunty Rosalie had a rather business like look on her face.

I suddenly felt very scared.

'Honey, lets go up to my room,' Aunty Alice said, putting a hand on my shoulder and steering me inside. I contemplated running for it. But Alice would see it straight away…

'Don't even bother Nessie,' she said happily. Jeez it was almost like she liked doing this. Was Aunty Alice a torturer when she was a human?

'Most definitely,' came Dads reply to my thought from outside.

Well at least he still kept it very nearly non-existent sense of humor even when he was angry.

Mum, Aunty Alice, and Aunty Rose walked me upstairs to Aunt Alice and Uncle Jasper's room. I sat down on the bed and then the door was locked.

'Bella, shield,' said Alice.

Mum nodded.

'Ok so now we can begin, Jasper and Emmett are taking care of Dad.'

I ran to the window and looked outside, Jasper and Emmett were dragging Dad, very much against his will into the forest.

'I'll see him if he gets close enough to hear,' said Alice.

'What about Grandma and Grandpa?' I asked, as it was my last shred of hope.

'They won't be back until tomorrow, believe me,' Rose laughed humorlessly. And as much as I didn't want to understand her hidden innuendo, I understand it and shuddered.

'Aw common Nessie Hon, you must get used to the idea. I mean we're here to help.'

'Help?' I said confused, I thought they'd been going to give me the 'don't have sex till you're older talk' (not that I actually aged now but you get the idea).

'Well you've stopped growing so it's safe now,' said Alice.

'Alice, we're not sure of that,' said Mom

'We can be fairly sure, trust me Bella,'

'Can't say no to trusting Alice,' Mom muttered.

'That's more like it! So Nessie how was it the first time?' Boy was Aunt Alice straightforward.

I placed my hand on Mom's hand and transferred this thought to her.

'Yep,' Mom laughed at my thought.

'Well?' said Aunty Alice.

'Well…' I hesitated, this was so embarrassing to admit, 'It was great to be honest, Jake was so sweet and nice considering it was his first time as well.'

'Urgh, don't want to hear about _him_,' said Aunt Rose

'Rose you agreed to help with this and that included putting up with Jake as a subject,' Alice scolded, 'Anyway, Nessie needs your help, we have to give her some advice.'

'Advice?' I cried.

'Yes honey, you wanna know what to do right?'

'I think I managed very well for my first time, thankyou very much.'

'Well that may be, but we still got some tips for you.' Said Aunt Alice.

'Like for starters, at some point in your sexual relationship a man will ask for-'

I cut off Aunt Rose of before she said what I dreaded she was going to say.

'Stop, I don't want _that _sort of advice!' I exclaimed.

'Well yes, I suppose we're getting ahead of ourselves a bit. We'll start with the basics. Did you use protection?'

'Well, I've stopped growing now, I don't get my period anymore, I assume that its not needed!'

'Assumption is the mother of all fuck-ups,' said Aunt Rose.

'Jeez Nessie, how could you assume that? For all we know, you could be pregnant!' Mom started freaking.

'But I'm not, I've stopped growing, I don't get my period anymore, _I'm infertile!' _

'There's only one way to find out,' Aunt Rosalie exclaimed, jumping up from the bed and unlocking the door.

She rushed downstairs and picked up the phone, I peeked over her shoulder and saw that she'd dialled Grandpas number. Aunt Alice phased out; I knew she was seeing the consequences of the phone call.

'You can't! Dad will find out!' I cried

'You're Fathers going to find out anyway,' said Mom

'I'm doomed, say it mom.'

'You're not doo-'

Aunt Alice had returned from her vision and cut Mom off.

'She's doomed.'

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**_a/n_**

**_Hi all!_**

**_Just like to say thank you to Estelle Black, my ONLY REVIEWER! No one else has reviewed! Seriously guys! Eggs and Mushroom ravioli around to all those who take the time to tell me what they think! Its not that hard, It doesn't take that long! Constructive criticism welcome! AND A MILLION THANKS TO MY LOVELY BETA _**Flyaway Dove _**FOR HER GREAT WORK!**_

**_I just like to make a comment on this story, i wrote it meaning it to be a one-shot. It wasn't meant to go anywhere but it did! _**

**_So yeah! Any questions OR IDEAS for/about the story, leave them in a review!_**

**_mwah, luv my readers (that's you!) _**

**_leave a review pretty please, reviews rock more than Volvo's!  
_**

**_Ava xx  
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